On My Best Day
One Sunday I was sitting in church listening to the sermon with rapt attention (I’m a worship leader so that’s part of my job description, right? Must look intensely interested in the pastor’s sermon…ha ha ha…) My pastor was preaching about how doubt is actually a natural part of faith. He really got my attention when he said, “On my best day I’m a mix of faith and doubt.” My first thought was, “I feel the same way!” My second thought was, “That’s a great idea for a song!”
He went on to point out that in the last chapter of Matthew when Jesus is giving the disciples their marching orders for going into the world spreading the gospel, there is a seldom noticed phrase that says “but some doubted.” These are THE disciples, people! The ones closest to Jesus who had traveled and ministered alongside him for three years. The ones that saw him crucified and raised from the dead. After all that, some of them doubted. And yet, it doesn’t say Jesus because frustrated with them, called them aside and made them do penance or remedial ministry training. He was willing to trust his entire message to these guys.
I love how God doesn’t reject us but meets us in our doubt, and how my questioning is not a threat to who He is. I have found Him to be ever faithful even though I am not.
The brilliant and wise Tim Keller puts it this way:
“A faith without some doubts is like a human body with no antibodies in it. People who blithely go through life too busy or indifferent to ask the hard questions about why they believe as they do will find themselves defenseless against either the experience of tragedy or the probing questions of a smart skeptic. A person’s faith can collapse almost overnight if she failed over the years to listen patiently to her own doubts, which should only be discarded after long reflection.”
On my best day I’m a mix of faith and doubt. But God can take my tiny mustard seed of faith and grow it into something amazing. I’m so grateful for that.